All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
