put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
