i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
