he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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