I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
