I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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