I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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