I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
