You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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