I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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