i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
