I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she looked like the before picture.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
