She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
