It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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