im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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