he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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