I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
