i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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