Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
