my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize