It's Friday. Sex?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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