so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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