It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize