just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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