Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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