I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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