ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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