A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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