New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
