My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
