You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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