idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
