so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
don't judge my taste in strippers
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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