And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
