I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
