I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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