Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
