Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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