I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
