coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
