my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
