So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize