So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
