He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
