Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
