Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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