Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize