He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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