Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
