It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
