Non-Jews are for practice
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
