You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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