I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
