He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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