Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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