my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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