we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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