TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
