got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
