just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
