Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
