I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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