My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
