man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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