I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize