So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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