We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
