What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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