a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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