so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have fence marks all over my body
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
