Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
