Sry I called you an 8
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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