Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
