capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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