listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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