hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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