you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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