drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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