winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
